The Gratitude I Feel For Community

July 26, 2024

I have been so nervous to post about my pregnancy online. The people closest in my life knew at some point before now, but I held a lot of fear around sharing it with people from my past, strangers, and other friends. At first it was because I was worried the pregnancy wouldn’t last, and I didn’t want to share something prematurely. But then it grew into anticipation that I wanted to share it in just the right way. It felt like a sensitive topic to me, because I was equally compelled to post my blog as well. It’s one thing to tell people you’re pregnant, it’s a whole other can of worms to tell people about everything that happened up to the point of getting pregnant. 

Even after my miscarriage in October, I knew I wanted to share about it online. For whatever reason, I knew telling people about my experience would be a good thing. But then I was just way too scared. How do I bring that up? How do I casually post about something that was consuming my whole life? 

Additionally, a miscarriage loses a lot of heaviness when you finally get pregnant again. Not just for outsiders in my life, but for me too. Truly the most healing thing for a pregnancy loss is getting pregnant again. So I didn’t know if it was worth it to post about trying to get pregnant when we were already pregnant. Would people still care? Would people still understand the pain I felt? 

But the feeling wouldn’t leave me that I needed to share my blog. Make it public. So I worked for hours to make it pretty, remove all typos, and put all the love I could bear into each post. 

And today, I finally shared it. I did it casually- shared about the pregnancy, and in the bottom of the caption, for anyone that cared, I mentioned it. I wanted it to be subtle enough that it wasn’t like I was shoving this story down your throat, but that if God wanted someone to click on it, it was available. 

After I clicked post, I turned off my phone, put it in my bag, and ignored it the rest of the day. Seriously. For 10 hours I didn’t look at my phone. I was so nervous no one would care, and I was equally nervous for the possibility that lots of people would care.

And then tonight, I laid down with my husband and we read the comments. Every single dm and text message. I watched the numbers of my blog views go from 0 to over 100. People I haven’t talked to in years private messaged me to tell me they read the blog, or they they had a similar experience to mine, or they are still going through that experience. Friends that have been distanced from me emerged and shared their love and support. I have honestly never felt more loved, supported and validated than in this moment. 

It’s really cool to see what people come through to share their support in someone else’s life. And whether the support is silent, or through the incredibly kind and vulnerable messages I’ve received, I am so grateful for them. If even one person was able to read my blog and think “hm. I’ve felt that before” or “that’s exactly how I feel,” that is what I want. I just wanted to share an experience that I know is so common, but not talked enough about. The emotions that surround trying to conceive and motherhood are ones that are found in so many other of life’s trials, and that’s why we should talk about them. Because there is strength in numbers, and I have felt so uplifted by the numbers that gave their love today. 

I prayed to know when and how I should share my blog, and the things I wrote at the hardest time in my life. I am so grateful for every single kind message and words of congratulations.